


Even After All

by The Blue Escapist (theblueescapist)



Category: Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Kain Has Issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblueescapist/pseuds/The%20Blue%20Escapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reconciling with oneself is not as easy as it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even After All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [muffin_song](https://archiveofourown.org/users/muffin_song/gifts).



> Title stolen from Finley Quaye's song. Set during _The After Years_.
> 
> In the context of this story, Sleep is a white magic offensive spell like Slow instead of a black magic one.

At night, gazing at the stars from his cold pallet on the hard ground of Mount Ordeals, Kain had let himself imagine returning to Baron, his one indulgence during the harsh days of training. 

In the most frequent of these fantasies, he would vanquish a powerful foe conveniently terrorizing the town and finally prove his worth to Cecil and Rosa. Their friendship would be mended and he would be welcomed home for good. If occasionally he had even let himself imagine being welcomed to their bed, well. Hermit on a mountain does not mean dead.

Once in a while, though, he would lapse and his thoughts would take a different turn. Visions of sliding into the castle under the cover of darkness would fill his head until he could hear the creaky spot next to Cecil’s bed, feel his hands curl around the sleep-warm skin of Cecil’s neck. Watch Cecil’s eyes fly open and focus on Kain. Sometimes Cecil would see him. Mostly he would look through him. He’d still be beautiful as he died.

After failing his trial, though, Kain has had neither the time nor the inclination to entertain any such thoughts, so he’s totally unprepared for his own reaction when he does break into the castle and happens upon Cecil.

There’s a corner of Kain’s mind that’s always been stubbornly convinced that if only he could let go of his jealousy and resentment towards Cecil, the attraction would fade as well, a no-longer-needed by-product of rechanneling his more violent impulses.

Yet when his heart slows down at the sound of Cecil’s voice and his mouth curves in a relieved, joyful smile at the mere sight of him, Kain cannot deny it anymore. Detached from his baser self, he still yearns for Cecil.

This is why Cecil’s words cut him so deep. Silence or curtness he could understand, even accept to a point, but pretending not to know him?

 _This is not the real Cecil_ , Kain reasons as Cecil orders him to leave. Because while Cecil could be merciless, he’s never been cruel. 

But Kain has spent half his life watching Cecil and lately he’s also been making the point of looking truth in the face. What Cecil said— _beggar beggar beggar_ — is not important, because his walk, his stance, his gestures feel right to Kain.This is nothing like what happened to His Highness.

This is the real Cecil, and Ceodore must not see him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kain has crossed weapons with Cecil in training, in challenge and in rage, but it had never occurred to him that Cecil—earnest Cecil who always gives his all— could be holding back, because that’s what **Kain** has always had to do, fight well enough to spur Cecil on, but never to the point of outmatching Baron’s golden boy.

It is painfully obvious that he need not have bothered. 

Even the enhanced speed of his new blessed status is not helping: it doesn’t matter that he can hit Cecil three times before Cecil can land one blow, Cecil is simply not going down. Anybody else would attribute it to Cecil being controlled, but Kain’s been there and he knows otherwise.  
Even now, when Kain is for a change the one in unequivocal right, he cannot defeat Cecil. Unrestrained, Cecil is unmistakably stronger than him. 

The fury Kain feels is sudden, the extra power it lends his jumps useless. Cecil knocks him out.

Then Ceodore is between them. He stutters, but his arm does not waver as he points his sword at Cecil. 

The wrongness of a son threatening his own father shocks some sense back into Kain, and he suddenly remembers that this battle is not about Cecil and him, the stakes are exponentially higher. He’s also not on his own anymore. 

Kain is done letting down people who believe in him. Kain is going to get Cecil back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Rosa. You should sleep,” Kain tells her.

“Yes,” she says, but she does not rise nor stop holding Cecil’s hand. It looks wan between her smaller ones.

“You won’t be of any use to him if you’re exhausted,” Kain tries.

“I know,” Rosa says. Cecil picks that moment to moan softly.

Kain decides it’s time to play his trump card. “You shouldn’t make Ceodore worry more than he is already,” he says.

“Mmhmm,” she murmurs.

“I’ll keep watch over Cecil while you sleep”, Kain sighs in defeat. 

She finally turns towards him. Tired and unkempt, she still steals his breath away when she gives him a small smile. “Will you, Kain? Thank you. I think I’ll be able to rest some if it’s you who stays by his side.”

It’s never been just Rosa’s beauty that captivates Kain so. Rosa’s always made him want to be better just by virtue of actually knowing him and trusting him anyhow.

“Yes,” Kain says, and crosses to the other side of Cecil.

“Goodnight, then, and thanks again,” she says. Kain nods, but does not watch her leave.

Without Rosa around, Kain has no more excuses not to take Cecil in. He observes Cecil’s hunched form, his tense shoulders, his matted hair, but he’s not ready when Cecil starts trashing.

There’s something about Cecil being delirious that does not sit right with Kain. These outbursts of pain and nonsense look alien coming from Cecil, always so self-controlled. The fact that he acts as if he’s caged inside his own mind makes it even worse.

“Shhhh,” Kain says, pushing Cecil back down.

He dries the sweat on Cecil’s furrowed brow with his palm. Now that he’s touched Cecil, though, Kain finds himself unable to stop. His stroke turns from utilitarian to soothing, slides down to Cecil’s cheekbones, his jaw.

“Kkk…kk…”, Cecil says and Kain’s heart jumps.

Does Cecil know that it’s him? Does Cecil feel Kain’s fingertip worry his plush bottom lip, push inside his slack mouth to bother his warm tongue? Does Cecil like it as much as Kain does? Kain has gone so hard so fast that his cock is straining against his breeches…

_What am I doing?_

Is he really molesting Cecil while Cecil is incapable of opposing him? Does he want to?

Kain forces his hand away from Cecil and takes some deep breaths.

He does want to. Kain will not deny that the idea of having Cecil utterly at his mercy is something he’s craved for longer than he cares to admit and he’s not going to get another chance. He can cast Sleep over the others and then he can finally bury his cock inside Cecil’s shell. 

_Perhaps a good fuck will snap him out of his stupor._

A sharp laugh escapes him. 

_I’m ridiculous. Do I really want to be the one that saves him that badly?_

He already knows the answer to that question. He’d been plotting ways to get Cecil to abandon his Dark armor for years, then Cecil had gone and done it all on his own.

Kain has always known he cannot save Cecil from himself. 

“Doesn’t stop me from wishing I could,” he tells Cecil, and bends over him to kiss him, softly, just once. Rosa would totally forgive him for that if she knew. 

In the shadows, Kain watches over Cecil. For the first time in his life, it is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear muffin_song, 
> 
> it's always struck me as massively unrealistic that Cecil struggles with his trial, but then his dark self seemingly vanishes, while Kain has to take his dark self back and is supposed to instantly be without issues. I tried to convey that he does indeed love, hate and lust for Cecil all at the same time and that it does not just vanish with his dark self, he simply becomes better adjusted. Hopefully I succeeded at least a little. 
> 
> Happy Yuletide!


End file.
